Detective Svengali (John Roecker)
After losing his badge for being a drunk and a fudge packer, Svengali half heartedly tries to regain both his badge and his dignity by trying to solve the most difficult and bizarre crimes in Los Angeles. This is one job-hangover he wished he could sleep off.  And although he may not have a badge he is armed with a giant cock.

Daisy Chain (Mikey Brannon)
Street Walker by day and a Street Runner by night. Named most likely to be murdered by her own stuffed animals, this whore with a heart of gold is always by Svengali’s side to help lift the burden on Svengali’s shoulders and his testicles.

The Professor (Tim Armstrong)
The evil mastermind who controls the entire crime syndicate in Los Angeles, and possibly parts of Orange County. The Professor’s dream is to control the whole world and no one will stop him.

Captain Virginia Dentata (Kiana Bicoy)
The tough Los Angeles Captain who needs to stop the murders, rapists and all the other riff-raff that inhabit the city. Ironically she was named Virginia Dentata, but it wasn’t until she turned 23 that she grew teeth inside her vagina. Her parents must have been clairvoyant.

Thing One (Trevor Wayne)
The Professor’s sidekick who will do anything for his boss and we do mean anything! ANYTHING! Except for scat. A man does have his limits.